BRITAIN’s top 10… Spike Milligan quotes

The legendary comic Spike Milligan was born on this day in 1918 in India. As a tribute to one of the world’s funniest men, we present 10 of his best quotes

The Goon Show, featuring from left to right, Harry Secombe, Spike Milligan and Peter Sellers. Image credit: PA Pictures.

The archetypal tortured genius, Spike Milligan, remains one of Britain’s best-loved comics, largely known for his British comedy radio programme, The Goon Show, also starring Harry Secombe, Peter Sellers and Michael Bentine – a show which changed the face of British comedy. Here we pay tribute to Milligan’s talent with a selection of some of his funniest one-liners.

“I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.”

“Money couldn’t buy friends, but you get a better class of enemy.”

“My father had a profound influence on me – he was a lunatic.”

“I have the body of an 18-year-old. I keep it in the fridge.”

“And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.”

“Apéritif: French for a set of dentures.”

“After five days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse.”

“Always try to make other people happy, even if you have to leave them alone to do it.”

“I told you I was ill.” (His epitaph).

“Listen, someone’s screaming in agony – fortunately I speak it fluently.”

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